I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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