The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
