I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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