wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
