The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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