dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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