I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
