broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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