the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
