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dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
