So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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