I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
