Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
