I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
