Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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