y did u give ur computer a hand job?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
