i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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