why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize