I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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