hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
