I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
