i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
