Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
