She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
