Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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