Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
