so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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