You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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