Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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