I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
