When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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