I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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