The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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