i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
