omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
