I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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