i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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