You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
