I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
