Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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