Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
i out mim tonsoeep
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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