We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
