I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
he quoted the bible to break up with me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
