a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
