You're a womanizer and a bitch.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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