Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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