It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
