tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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