The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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