there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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