well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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