we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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