So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
