Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Randomize
