I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
