kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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