so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
