I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
