just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it's like iHOP with fire
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
