it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
