If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
