Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I am available for nakedness
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
