You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
