my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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