your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
